Through Tears And Blood
by Eris-chan
Summary: When Romano walks out of Canada's life, he begins a downward spiral of darkness. Will Canada be able to help his one love, or has he only made things worse? (( bad summary. Bleh. One shot. RomaCan (because I like the pairing and it needs more love) mild Frumano and mentions of maple tea))


A/N

[EDITED VERSION] I just noticed how all my stories are rather depressing...I really need to lighten up with these things ^^; sorry for slow updates and random new stories! So much stuff going on its insane

THANKYOU to those who have stuck with me! Anyway enjoy, and feel free to leave a review!

"Please! Don't go Lovino! I'm sorry! I-I'll change! Just don't go!"

Romano turned to look at him, eyes dull. "There's no reason for me to stay..." Canada wrapped his arms around Romano, sobbing quietly. "I'm sorry! Please! Don't leave me!" He felt his voice crack on that last word, all the pain and fear coming into that final sound.

"I'm leaving Mattie..."

Canada clutched onto him tighter, the tears flowing freely now, "y-you don't have to go! I-I still need you!"

There was a flash of anger in the Italian's eyes, "no you don't. You have that fucking tea drinking bastard. Go talk to him!"

Canada inhaled sharply at the hurtful words, the fear overwhelming now. "I-I've always needed you! Please...W-We can talk about it!"

"Just- Fuck this! Go and be with your fucking tea bastard, you obviously don't need me!" Romano jerked out of his grip, stalking off.

Canada fell to his knees, sobbing into his now empty arms. "B-But...I don't have anyone anymore..." He whispered, "I-I only ever wanted you..."

Romano slammed the door shut, wiping away his tears frustratedly. "Dammit! Why does this have to happen to me every single fucking time? Is it too much to be fucking happy?" He slammed his fist onto the table, that single motion driving away all the anger. All that was left was a deep pit of emptiness and despair. It seemed so useless. It wasn't really Canada's fault...after all he hadn't exactly made his emotions clear.

"Fuck this," he sighed and sat on the ground, drawing his knees up to his chest. His phone chimed up on the table but he didn't bother moving to get it. All he could think about was Mattie's tearful face as he begged him not to leave. He felt so goddamn guilty and it hurt. It hurt so much. Hoping for a distraction, he reached for his phone. Right now, he wouldn't even care if it was his idiotic brother sending him texts, he just needed someone to distract him from the pain in his heart.

"Mon Cher~! I'm going out drinking and would love your company~!"

He stared at the text, wanting to reply with "fuck off you frog", but...the idea was tempting. He frowned and brought up the keyboard, typing in an answer. Sending it before he could regret his decision, he waited for the reply that would follow a few seconds later.

"Excellent! I will pick pick you up at six~!"

Romano glanced at the time on his phone. That was only in a couple of hours. Standing up slowly, he shuffled upstairs to shower. He stripped off slowly, still feeling the dull ache in his chest. Running the water, he slipped under the spray, closing his eyes. He began to wash, almost mechanically, pushing away all the thoughts, the memories, the emotions. Yet he couldn't get rid of the ache. Shaking his head, he turned off the water and began to dry off, wondering blankly about what he should wear. He shrugged. It didn't matter really. Shoving on the first things he could find, he trailed downstairs. He still had to wait half an hour for the damned frog to arrive.

_I need...a distraction... _

He wandered into the kitchen aimlessly, glancing around. His eyes rested on the small knife he used to cut tomatoes with. With shaking fingers, he gently picked it up, staring at the gleam of the sharp edge.

_Just once... _

Carefully he took off his shirt, shivering at the cold chill in the room. He sighed, letting go of all the tension his in his body before quickly slashing through his arm, jut below his shoulder. He smiled darkly at the blood, wishing that he could feel the pain.

_One more... _

He slashed again, blood flowing freely down his arm now.

_If only I could feel it... _

Closing his eyes, he reached through the link that he shared with Feliciano, dragging the pain away from his brother, back into his own body. Crying out at the sudden, sharp pain, he gritted his teeth to stop the small whimpers that threatened to overflow.

_It hurts... _

He felt his vision spin and he grabbed onto the sink with his good arm, letting the blood from his other one drip onto the floor.

"Fuck..."

Where are the bandages? He fumbled in a drawer, pulling out a length of cloth. He wrapped it around the wound, the blood quickly spreading into the fabric. He wound it around and around, tying it quickly. He had to pull himself together, France would be here soon. He slipped his shirt back on and walked back into the living room, collapsing into the couch. France was usually early so there was no point trying to clean up the blood. He had been caught unaware far too many times by the fucking pervert. He rolled his eyes as he heard France walk in, not bothering to knock or announce his arrival.

"Ah! Lovino~! You ready?"

"Lets just go already..." He put his signature scowl back in his face, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So impatient~!" France commented, stepping out of the house, "shall we then~?"

He shrugged and followed the French-man, wondering where he was being led.

Romano downed another glass, the buzz in his head drowning out all his pain and sorrow. It was almost too bad he would pay for it tomorrow.

"I think you've had a bit too much, Mon Cher..."

Romano tilted to look France, a dangerous smirk playing across his expression. "That is quite a troublesome look you have there~"

Romano flinched involuntarily as he felt France reach out to stroke his cheek, making the man laugh softly.

"Don't laugh at me, bastard."

"Oh~? How you going to stop me, hm?"

"Like this." Romano leant forward and roughly kissed France. It was funny, he couldn't feel his lips, or his own for that matter. He could feel France wrap his arms around him and pull him into his lap however. He deepened the kiss, licking France's bottom lip. It didn't feel like a kiss at all. It was just numbness and the buzz of the alcohol. France parted his lips, slipping his tongue into Romano's mouth to softly entwine their tongues. He pulled away, licking his lips at the taste of wine that had seeped into his senses. He closed his eyes, letting France nip softly at his neck and around his collarbone.

If he looked closely...France almost looked like Mattie...

He thread his fingers into the blonde hair, finding it to be just as soft as he had thought it would be.

"...Lovino...?"

"Hm?" He looked at France, noting the serious expression.

That's when he realised that he had no shirt.

France could see everything.

All the scars.

All the pain.

All the reminders.

"Fuck," Romano slid off of France, tripping over as he stepped backwards hurriedly.

The man stood up, holding his hands out in a calming gesture, "it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you..."

Romano spun around and shoved his way through the crowds of people. Snatching up a random shirt off the floor, he shoved it over his head. The room felt claustrophobic and he longed to escape from it. "Get the fuck out of the way!" He growled to several people before finally he was out the door.

"Lovino! Wait!"

He flinched at the voice calling his name. He moved to run away but a hand grabbed his arm. Romano winced in discomfort at the pain.

"Don't run. Tell me what's wrong."

He glared and twisted out of the grip, dashing away from the shame and horror of being seen. He glanced up at the sky as he felt a drop of water land on his face. Soon it was pouring down and he stopped to stand in the downpour. He wasn't sure why he liked the rain but it was comforting in its own way.

_Go home_. It seemed to whisper to him.

He sighed and started to slowly make his way back.

Canada stepped inside the house, peeking around carefully.

"L-Lovino...?"

Silence greeted his words. He must be out somewhere... He stepped inside of the house, looking around curiously. It wasn't quite what you'd class as messy...yet there wasn't anything that made it neat either. He sighed and plonked into the couch, hugging onto one of the pillows.

_It smells like him... _

Canada wiped his eyes, quickly getting rid of the tears that threatened to overflow. He had come to try and talk to Romano but now that he wasn't here...

_I should wait... _

He stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen, looking for something to eat.

"Eh...?"

Noticing the red stains on the floor near the sink, he slowly walked over to inspect them.

"Is this...blood...?"

He gently swiped his finger through the liquid. The red was still bold and Canada's eyes widened in shock when his suspicions were proved to be correct. Grabbing a cloth, he began to scrub at the liquid, feeling his hands start to shake uncontrollably.

_I did this. _

_This is all my fault. _

He didn't bother to stop the tears this time, letting them fall from his cheeks onto the tiled floor.

_I need to see him and explain. _

_Even if he hates me. _

_Even if its pointless. _

_Before I'm too late. _

Canada jumped as he heard the front door slam and Romano's heavy footsteps make their way inside.

"My head...is spinning..."

Canada peeked around the corner to see a drenched Romano started to remove his shirt and pants, dumping them on the floor before shuffling upstairs unsteadily. The urge to go and help him was overwhelming but he refrained, following Romano slowly and quietly. He watched as he collapsed onto his bed, passing out instantly. Carefully, he stepped into the room, making his way over to sit on the bed next to his sleeping form. He reached out and gently ran his fingers over the bandage with the fresh blood, the tears making their appearance again.

_You could have avoided this. _

_If you'd only stopped being so selfish. _

Sighing, he stood up and pulled the blankets over Romano. He lent over and kissed his forehead before exiting the room.

He would sleep on the couch.

Romano groaned and shoved his head under the pillow. His head hurt like hell, how had he thought that this would be a good idea? He growled as his alarm went off a few seconds later, the sound like nails being driven into his skull. He picked up the clock and chucked it at the wall, feeling a small amount of relief that it had stopped its torturous beeping. Sitting up slowly, he reached for his phone on the bedside table. Instead, his finger tapped against a glass of water. He opened his eyes to squint at it. A couple of painkillers were sitting next to the glass of water.

_I must have planned ahead last night... _

He swallowed the tablets gratefully, their relief taking effect instantaneously.

Canada jerked his head up as he heard a bang, his sleepiness quickly dispersing. He dashed upstairs quickly, throwing open the door. "Lovino? You okay?"

Romano stared at the figure in shock. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Canada flinched at the harsh tone but made his way over to Romano quickly, throwing his arms around him. "I'm sorry! I am so so sorry!"

He tensed as he felt the arms hold him tightly. "It wasn't your fault...it was mine..." He muttered.

Canada sniffled softly, "non, it was mine. If I had just been honest at the start...Lovino, Arthur dumped me almost three weeks ago..." He looked into the Romano's pale green eyes, waiting.

Romano blinked. They what...? "Shit...I didn't know...why?"

Canada smiled softly at that, the tears dripping down his face again. "Because I wasn't really there. Because he could tell that I wasn't really into him. Because he could tell...that I was still in love with you..." Canada smiled sadly at the memory. He hadn't meant to drag Arthur into his life, it's just how things happened. He buried his head in Romano's shoulder, "just tell me one thing...? Do you, y'know...like me? Like not like as in a friend like-"

"I get what you mean," Romano cut in, taking a deep breath, "and yes...I do..." He was glad that Canada couldn't see his expression, he had to be blushing a bright red by now.

"And if I was truly honest with myself...then I do too. But y'know, with you."

"We'll that's one thing sorted then..." He offered a small smile.

Canada smiled back happily, "I guess so." He linked their fingers together, holding onto Romano tightly.

"Promise never to leave...?"

"I promise Lovino..."


End file.
